Thinking about some things...

So for those of you who thought I was a little lu-lu to still nurse my mcFats, here is a DOOZEY for ya -

I am back thinking about homeschooling my kids again.

Yup.  Certifiable.

And I say "again" because I tried it for a month at the same time as Ezra was born... recipe for utter failure.  Lincoln was in school before the month was over.  It was HARD!!  Four kids 6 and under and no one besides their sleep-deprived, blurry-eyed mother could read!!  My expectations of that month were completely unrealistic for anyone - and gave no allowance for a new baby.  So - I threw Lincoln (and Oli into Kindergarden) into the closest school, and gave up on the dream.

The thing about homeschooling though, is that I am completely converted to the idea of it.  I love creating a cirriculum based on what my kids strengths and weaknesses are, and catering to the things that they are interested in.  I love that they can learn to work, play and be invested in being a team.  I love talking to adults who were home schooled as children and hear of their experiences and see how cool, bright and interesting they are.  I love that other grade 2 kids would not determine what is "cool" for our family.  I love that they learn to play and love and help their siblings.  I love that not only would I know what they are learning about, I actually have a say.

That being said, I couldn't do it.  And then they kept going to school and liked it.  I liked it too - the teachers were great and they had friends who were nice.  But I still kept my fingers in the homeschooling scene.  Lincoln continued to go to Ecology Club at the university every Wed. morning.  And I would often talk to my SIL who home schools - wishing that I could have done it for my own kids.

In my head, I hated giving up on it.  I hated feeling like I failed, or that I wasn't tough enough to do it.

But now - events and conversations and promptings have led me there again.  Almost.

It just scares the free-holies out of me because this time, I know what I am getting into, but still don't KNOW what to do about it.

I also love the internet, because I can tell everybody what I am doing, but I don't actually have to see it in your face, or, if you are more blunt, hear that you think I am crazy.

And I don't need to hear it...because I already know ~!!