The Russell Bustle

One-Sided-Cyber-BFF

2012-01-31T15:18:00.000-06:00

Do you ever read blogs from people you don't know, but the more you read them, the more convinced you become that you are destined to be buddies with the author? Now, see, for the normal part of the population, I would guess most of you would say, "why no! It never even occurs to me! I just like reading it because (insert sane rationale for reading details about stranger's lives they post on-line - here)."

But this is where the crazy stalker in me takes over and thinks everything I read, from this one blog in particular, is exactly like ME!! We are kindred spirits!!!! She writes like I would if I actually blogged!! So to list the reasons why I think we were separated at birth: she is the same age as me (not the same birthday per se, but she is in her early 30's - so that means a TON, right?!), has 4 kids (ok, we are no longer twinsies in that department, but for a while we were), home schools (ok, not that one anymore either), home birthed her kids, (I just had one at home, but still - same, right?), she struggles keeping her house in order AND she is Mormon! Can you say same/same?!

So I know that it's crazy, and I know that we are not the same so much after all, but I still feel like we would seriously be friends if we happened to live in the same country/state/ward. And I have been tempted to write her a letter telling her as much. (But then, I also think that Sarah Palin and I, while we vastly differ on political ideas, would also be besties after watching her TLC show. Well, maybe not besties; she did actually shoot live animals, but for the sake of our friendship, I would be willing to overlook it because she is so much dang fun... ) But then I realized that put in the same level as that crazy guy in the cheesy 90's movie"The Bodyguard". But it is So. Hard. To. Resist.

So today, instead of telling her why I think we should be BFF's, I am telling all of you. Why tell one, when instead you can admit to everyone who reads your blog (granted that's probably only three people) that I am absolutely Coo-coo for cocoa puffs Nuts.

So there it is. I am a cyber-stalker.

Do you have a one-sided-cyber-bestie too???

Nicknames

2012-01-06T14:06:00.000-06:00

I always have a love/hate relationship with my kids names. When I am pregnant I agonize over their name. When they are born, it is still nearly impossible for me to commit. They say you can't leave the hospital until the baby is named, but I (unfortunately) know otherwise. The problem is, once you leave the hospital, there is no sense of urgency. This week or next... what does it matter? Ezra wasn't officially named until for 6 weeks. When I finally (reluctantly) "decide", I proceed to be wishy-washy about it for the following year. I question it often, wondering when it becomes too late to change it. Thankfully after about the one year mark I finally make peace with the name and come to genuinely love it and feel that it is a perfect name for them.

Naming kids is not something I enjoy - and I have even been known to say, "I would rather go through labour than name a child" to many people. WHAT?!? I know. Crazy. But there are so many factors to consider: like their initials, how it sounds, what it means, how it goes with the other kids names, potential emotional damaging nicknames, fun nicknames, which name is first and middle, and do I really want to use the name that I LOVE as a middle name? Isn't that just wasting it? It causes me a great deal of stress. Thankfully I am married to a man that has only adamantly contributed one name to our progeny and that I haven't loved and it was for Oliver's middle name, Euan. (On that note, Euan??!?? Paul shares the same birthday and year as Ewan McGregor and consequently (secretly) feels connected and thus named our 2nd born's middle name after him. (Paul will just as adamantly deny this). I happen to share death day with Elvis Presley (he died the same day and year I was born) and I have yet to insist we name one of our kids Elvis. But I wanted to have Oliver's middle name to be after our real estate agent, Mac, but Paul refused me on that ground alone. But really - Oliver Mac Russell... seriously - coolest. name. ever. As it is, I love Paul, and so Oliver's middle name is Euan. I have told Paul that if he ever dies, I am changing it on the way home from the funeral.)

When it came time for Eloise to be born I really was torn between Margaret and Eloise. I loved both names so much! I loved Margaret Eloise Russell. But Eloise Margaret Russell sounded really lovely too. In the end, Eloise won out because it was a little less common, and I loved how Charlotte and Eloise fit together. So it was decided. Ish.

The problem I am finding out is that everything rhymes with Eloise-e. Not at first glance, mind you, but we somehow make it work. Like when she has a cold, we call her Ela-sneezy. When she has raspy breathing, Ela-wheezy. When she has a poopy bum, it's Smelloise. Easy-Breezy-Eloise-e has become one we use most often, and that has evolved to "Breezers". (Breezers?? That is right up there as bad as Ezra's nickname which is Snoogs.) But today, as she was hanging out with her cousin Axsel, slapping his newly buzzed, spiky head and using her mighty 23 pound girth to push the standup toy that he was hanging onto for dear life around the kitchen and in a panic with every inch she moved it, the nickname has evolved once again from "Breezers" to "Bruiser." It really doesn't help that "Eloise" means hale and hearty. No joke.

Oh oh. I think it may be time to switch to Margaret.

PS... PPS

2011-11-19T13:50:00.001-06:00

PS. I finally did my taxes. Well, I finally got all my receipts and info and took it to the accountant. It took all of 30 minutes. Good thing I only have a couple months until next year's tax season so I am less likely (ok who are we kidding) to repeat this again.

Man, am I ever an idiot.

PPS - I know that "PS" means post script and that it is to follow something else, but - I was being ironical.

Bad, Worse, Oh Dear

2011-09-16T12:50:00.002-06:00

As an homage to the wonderful talk by Elder Dallin H. Oakes entitled, "Good, Better, Best", I would like to offer the antithesis of choices that are "Bad, Worse, Oh Dear.".

Good, Better, Best
*Cleaning your kitchen on a regular, post-meal basis
Bad, Worse, Oh Dear.

*Finding the source to the smell in your house is a 5-day old pot of garlic mashed potatoes hiding behind a bag on your kitchen counter.

Good, Better, Best

*Regularly exercising and enjoying a healthy, strong body free of aches and pains

Bad, Worse, Oh Dear.

*Thinking you have a bladder infection for 6 weeks because your pelvic floor muscles are in spasm from a ri-Dic-u-lously weak core. What's that you say? Awesome? Yes, awesome indeed.

Good, Better, Best

*While nursing, spending time on iPhone reading scriptures, catching up on the news or e-mailing a friend you have been thinking of

Bad, Worse, Oh Dear.

*While nursing, spending an inordinate amount of time on Facebook wishing more of your friends actually updated their statuses, while hiding those who update too often with LAME updates

Good, Better, Best

*Doing your taxes in tax season

Bad, Worse, Oh Dear.

*Having to wait 8 weeks for your income tax return because NO ONE works at the tax centre from Sept. - Dec. I know this because I have done this for the past 4 years, and yet... still haven't done my taxes.

Good, Better, Best

*Going to bed early, with a clean face and teeth; feeling good about the day and happy for tomorrow

Bad, Worse, Oh Dear.

*None of the above and having to drink 6 diet coke's the next day because you stayed up too late catching up on Bachelor Pad. (seriously, Bachelor Pad??? That alone could be it's own individual bullet for Bad, Worse, Oh Dear.)

I am currently really trying hard to move from my existing state and all I can say is *groan*.

That Time of Year

2011-08-31T11:06:00.000-06:00

To say there has been a hiatus with the blog, is, well, a massive understatement.

But my 11th anniversary has moved me back into the blogging world.

There are many things that I can look back and say without hesitation that I definitely never saw coming11 years ago.

Five kids??? Ok, I guess I kindof thought we would have a big-ish family. And in my head, I guess I kindof thought between 4 and 6. But that was all a theory. To be honest, I didn't particularly like kids and the idea of having them was based on a promise by my mom that I would actually, really love my own. (Thank goodness she was right!!) But the actuality of having 5 kids is very different than thinking numbers in your head when you are young and kid-free.
That we would ever leave Calgary. We love Calgary. We were both born and raised there. We love having our family close. We love the mountains (ok, Paul wins this in a landslide, although I do think they are very pretty in a I-don't-actually-want-to-climb-them-sort of way.) We love the other amenities too. The shopping, the zoo, leisure centres, bike paths, science centre...
That Paul would not be a production manager. When we got married, that was the plan and he was in school finishing off his degree. I also didn't imagine that he would go back to school, only 2 1/2 short years after graduating, and eventually accumulate two more degrees.

But the thing I really, really never saw coming was that I would be spending our anniversary alone (Paul is Regina for 3 months for the first part of his residency) and that he would checking other lady's downstair's business before telling them it was time to push. Nope. Most Definitely did not picture that one.

Happy Anniversary, Paul. You are pretty friggin' awesome. And without question, I am a better person for having married you.

If you are a boy- skip this post. Trust me.

2011-04-06T00:17:00.007-06:00

I have learned this pregnancy/post-partum period to be extremely grateful for all health care professionals. While my prenatal care, labour and delivery with Eloise was fantastic with my midwives, I have been "Specul(...um)Ated" by my share of different doctors since. My running total for doctors, midwives and residents who have shone a flashlight where none should shine is 7. AND I am not even including the nurses and interns. In the last 3 weeks. Bet you are all spectacularly jealous.

There were some "retained products" in my Uter-House that I found out about on Friday. By ultrasound. An ultrasound that didn't include a galloping heartbeat and giddy excitement?? That's what I am used to, so this one wasn't quite as awesome. Doctor # 4 gave me two options: crazy drugs that needed to be inserted and would cause horrific cramping, or I could just go for S.U.R.G.E.R.Y. the following Monday. Wow. Both were so appealing, it was just too difficult to choose.

I finally decided to go for the surgery, but was talked into the pill option Monday morning by doctor #3. Confidently, pills were inserted. I knew I was in for a ride, but this seemed like the least offensive option, and then I wouldn't have to ask anyone to watch my kids. And hey, I just went through labour; surely I could tough out some cramps, right?? Three hours later, I was in the ER with a raging fever, hearing a doctor (not counted - she never saw my girl-y bits) who kept saying, "I hope you don't mind me saying this, but you really don't look so hot" (while funny, not terribly reassuring that I wasn't in fact, going to die.) Two bags of IV fluid, multiple vials of blood taken, and some intense IV antibiotics later, it was determined by doctors #5 & #6 who got to know me intimately, that it was just a rare side effect of the drug previously inserted. Awesome.

Then this morning I had to go to an ultrasound to make sure the pills, after the previous day's fiasco, at the very least did what they were supposed to do. Another lovely photo-op of my uterus showed no change. I was going to have to get the D & C anyway. Even Awesomer.

My mom is a nurse. I get my ability to be casual and talk about things such as this because of her. But I also got a few other gems from her too... like by all the things we would talk about at the dinner table; while very interesting, inadvertently turned all of her kids into a bunch of raging hypochondriacs who all know a little bit of everything (primarily symptoms of all major, life-threatening and rare diseases). So my first response to my impending surgery was tears, stress and major anxiety that I probably was going to end up with a hysterectomy, and definitely some sort of crazy hospital-born infection that will see both my feet amputated. Awesomest.

So off I go to the hospital. But not before also panicking about having to ask someone to watch my kids - again. (Yeah for homeschooling...) Thank you Jen for Monday, Pam for today and Laura for both days and to all of you for just being fantastic and thoughtful as always.

Paul gave me a blessing so I no longer felt like I was going to be menopausal at 33, nor did I fear losing my appendages anymore. Whew. Thank goodness for the Priesthood. I had the procedure done by doctor #7, who was actually awesome in a non-sarcastic way. She was very patient, and just doting enough to Eloise to make me a friend for life. I love her.

So no more weird down-stairs business. I still have my uterus, my hands and feet are still on. Doctor #7 fixed me and so out of all the doctors who have seen and felt me, I love her the most; because that is what it is all about.

Pros and Cons of Being Knocked Up

2011-03-23T16:54:00.000-06:00

Being pregnant has its ups and downs. Immediately after Eloise was born, I commented several times to my midwives how glad I was to no longer be pregnant. Since then however, I have come to miss a few things, but have also been able to solidify in my mind why I really am glad to be done.

Glad to be pregnant:
- Only 4" of water needed to almost completely submerge my entire body in the tub. Aaaahhh. Water displacement at its finest.
- Not being cold once this winter. Seriously. And that is saying something for Saskatoon, SK.
- Being able to celebrate and be proud of a 42" waist (or was that 52"?) Pregnant+fat=ok.
Pregnant+fat-pregnant=only fat. Boo.
-Weeks 20-30 baby moves. Nothing cooler.
-Nails that grew like crazy
-Maternity pants from Motherhood.
-Feeling full. Now after I eat, I wonder if I had just imagined the whole thing because I my left arm still looks pretty tasty.

Glad to do done:
- While it takes a lot more water, I feel like I now actually can FIT in the 5' tub. And I can get up easily to grab the shampoo. Woohoo.
-Being freezing ever since she was born. Don't get me started on the night sweats and then getting out of bed to change or feed. Nothing like damp pj's in a cool night time house to really wake you up. BRRR!
-Weeks 30-40 and 5 days baby moves. While always reassuring, also got a little old. Eloise's straight leg stretch in utero was a personal favourite.
-Being able to bend over. Everyday Charlotte asks me if I am glad to not have a bowling bowl in my tummy. Yes, yes I am.
-Nails that grew like crazy
-The Girls have graduated and are now more appropriately called The Ladies. Unfortunately, after this phase, they will have another name change to the Ma'am's, or maybe the Grannie's.
-Talking about still being pregnant when you should no longer be pregnant. Worst thing ever.
-Hearing about labour horror stories and knowing that it was on the horizon and there was nothing I could do about it. Looming. Like April and tax season with a lot more physical pain. Blech.
-Maternity pants. Still have 'em, still wear 'em, and still am SUPER comfy in 'em. I think that officially qualifies me for the show "What Not to Wear."
-No. More. Heartburn. The moment she was out my esophagus breathed a sigh of relief.
-I have real ankles again! No more play-doh, no more cankles. But real, bonafide ankles. And while the rest of me is still covered in a layer of soft gooey-dough - my ankles are back, baby!
-Changing her itty-bitty buttered popcorn smelling diaper and holding these skinny, little newborn legs up in the air, knowing full well how quickly they grow into fat, squeezable chunks of love, all the while completely defiling the air and their Depend's sized diaper with man sized poops.

But the biggest reasons of all to be glad to be done being pregnant:
-Smelling her.
-Loving her.
-Cuddling her.
-Nursing her.
-Seeing those dreamy smiles and getting a glimpse of her personality.
-Staring into those blurry newborn eyes and knowing she's mine.

Eloise Margaret

2011-03-21T20:22:00.000-06:00

I had heard great things about midwives and thought I would look into it for baby #5. I was undecided until about 16 weeks when I was forced to make a commitment. I liked my doctor a lot, and I liked the idea of an epidural even more, so it was a very, tough. call.

In the end I decided to go with a midwife. Because I was homeschooling, the midwife seemed a lot more understanding about me bringing 4 kids to my appointments than my doctor would be. (Turns out Paul and I were meant for each other in turns of our decision making process.) It ended up being a really nice decision as I got to know Nooshin better and I became more and more confident. And THEN she started coming to my house for my pre-natal appointments. It was then that it became love. Seriously.

Home birth seemed like a very appealing option since I had had fast labor's. Having a baby on the kitchen floor is ok if it is PLANNED, NOT if it happens by accident. I started reading a few books about home births and midwifery and I became a slow, albeit reluctant convert. I had done research about the safety - looking at medical journals and studies, and asking (and re-asking the same questions) to my midwife. Paul and I talked at length about it - his position being surprisingly liberal given his training, and he was extremely supportive. He felt good about doing it at home and if that was what I wanted - he was completely behind me. I struggled with it for months; definitely a home birth one day, and then most definitely a hospital birth a few hours later. I would be leaning heavily toward a home birth, and then one of my siblings would phone and send me into my own personal fear factor for days. I was convinced that if I did not die during labor, I was condemning my new baby to having cerebral palsy and a lifetime of surgery because of a crazy whim to have this baby here. What was I thinking? To be honest, I always thought home births were a little nuts - and now I was seriously considering one??!! Who the heck was this soon to be mother of 5(!!) homeschooling granola that I was turning into???? Paul steadied me and waylaid my fears.

I had a birthing pool that we kept inflating every couple days waiting for this unknown person to appear. I had been 3 weeks early with Charlotte, 2 weeks early with Ezra - so surely babe #5 would be early too, right?!? No, no. She was in it for the long haul and though was due March 8th, finally debuted 5 days overdue on March 13 at 5:30 pm. She must have her mother's sense of time. It was last Sunday and I hadn't gone to church because seriously, who goes to church when they are 40 weeks pregnant... When Paul got home I told him of my plans to drink this "cocktail*" that my midwife had given me, promising me that I would go into labor if I took it. I was sick to death of being pregnant, hurting with every step and movement (I had SPD - Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction) and since I had been early with the other 2, was fully prepared weeks earlier. I felt like I was at a train station waiting for a train to come but not having any clue as to when it could arrive. Maddening. And it did not help that my neighbour, best friend and sister-in-law Laura, who was due 3 days after me, had already had her baby 3 days earlier. Seriously?!?! I was even prepared to go into LABOUR to be done with being pregnant. You know you are serious when...

So I took the cocktail and sure enough 2 hours later the contractions started. After only 3 contractions I called my friend Pam to see if she could watch the kids (the only thing I had decided on definitively was that they were NOT invited) and then called my midwife. I wasn't 100% sure that I was really in labor because they were not regular and felt exactly like the Braxton hicks I had been experiencing for the previous 6 weeks. But I had to assume it was going to happen because I was so overdue and my MW promised me! So, being optimistic - we got ready. Paul re-filled the pool with air and we waited. It was so relaxed. Nooshin came over and she set up her 6 bags of luggage of medical supplies; oxygen tanks, suction, intubation tubes, etc. Paul later said that if he knew what they were bringing with them , he would have been even more on-board than he was before. I kept having contractions and then I would get up and tidy something. It was nice to be able to be distracted - Yeah for being ADD!! After some more I went to the fridge and offered to get everyone drinks. It felt like we were just hanging out. I kept asking her if she really thought I was in labour, because it sure didn't feel like I was. After an hour, the contractions still weren't regular, weren't that uncomfortable, and I was having too much fun to think it could possibly be real.

The next 45 min. they got more regular, but still not that painful. I finally accepted that I was in labor and stopped asking Nooshin what she thought was such a ridiculous question. But it was nice. I was on my hands and knees, sometimes hugging my ottoman during a contraction. When they went away - it was completely gone and I felt like I had only imagined the previous pain. Paul filled up the pool with water and I was looking forward to getting in. It was huge and deep and looked very, very inviting. My only regret was not filling it up and giving it a test run in the weeks before. Seriously - getting into that thing was AWESOME!

The last 1/2 hr got intense. My back-up midwife Ros was called. I got out of the pool to use the washroom and the next contraction on dry land was NOT COOL. Although it still hurt a lot, it turned out the warm water was a huge, huge relief. The midwives were telling to listen to my body as to when it was time to push. The only thing I could think was, I don't know what my body is telling me! I have had 4 babies at a hospital where I have not been allowed to push until someone has told me to do so. It was so weird to be in the drivers seat. But then with the next contraction, my body didn't tell me, it YELLED at me Glee Coach Sue Sylvester style to get this bowling ball out and NOW. So, I listened. And bowling ball she was. She was born in the water, in her water - Ponyo style. Now since I was otherwise distracted, I cannot confirm what my midwives said - that she was born in the sac which meant she would be very lucky. But kindof cool anyway.

They quickly pulled her up out of the water and put her on my chest and I spent a couple minutes looking at her and talking to my new, sweet baby. I finally realized that we still did not know if it was a boy or girl. I had hoped it would be a girl, but Paul had convinced me it would be a boy, so I was surprised, thrilled and delighted when I lifted her off of me to see. While still in the birthing pool, Paul set up the lap top and my mom was the first "visitor" via iChat. Paul picked up the kids and they were so excited to meet their new sister. When it was time to go to bed, Charlotte would only agree to it once she determined that the baby would still look the same in the morning.

I have never blogged about a birth before, and the main reason why I did this time was because it was just such an awesome experience. She was my biggest baby, 9lbs 8 oz, 22.5 " long, born in the sac, but far and away my best labor and delivery. I had a "graze" of a tear that didn't require any stitches. She was my third natural birth and including the ones where I have had an epidural - this one was unquestionably my best experience. I know it makes me certifiable to say this, but I genuinely loved it. She wasn't a 1/2 hour old before I knew I would do it all again.

Just in case you ever need to know:

*Verbena Cocktail

1/4 c castor oil

1/4 c almond butter

4 cups water

2 c apricot juice (I only had orange juice)

10 drops verbena oil

Drink 1/2 batch within 30 min, and can drink the remaining 1/2 5 hrs later. Will work if cervix is "ripe" and past 40 weeks.

March Madness!

2011-03-21T14:39:00.000-06:00

For those of you who might suspect that I have a case of the Jimmer's, I would say most definitely... but that isn't what this post is about.

March has been a lovely, crazy month so far.

On March 7 we found out Paul got into Radiology here in Saskatoon. It was his first choice, but really would have been equally happy had he got family medicine or internal medicine. On one hand, it was a brutally difficult decision what to rank #1, #2 and #3, but on the other - it was a nice position to be in; feeling like whatever happened would be great (even if it meant he would also be a little disappointed regardless of which one he got because it meant he couldn't do the other 2. Any wonder why the guy got married when he was 29?!?!?) My first choice was whichever would make him the most happy, but I was secretly (or not so secretly) rooting for radiology - I wanted for us to to be able to see him! So major, major yeah!!! I am so ridiculously proud of him. I love talking to my dad, because he is just as pleased and together, we can both go on for hours. And the biggest plus - we don't have to move!!!!!! We get to enjoy the pool for at least 5 more summers!!! Woo hoo!!

Second big news of the month - we had a baby girl on March 13!! I couldn't be more thrilled that Charlotte has a sister and that I have doubled my odds that one of my girls as adults will still like me. She is perfect. I sincerely wanted her name to be Lovely, because that is what she is, but will settle on calling her lovely, lovely, Eloise. Eloise Margaret Russell.

Sorry Jimmer. You can't really compare with that.

Scary-as-all-get-out

2011-02-27T14:28:00.000-06:00

Roads to Calgary on our last trip:

The roads were so bad, I even put down Mockingjay. Hard to believe, I know.

See the glossy-high sheen of the pavement?

The super-highway, not looking so super.

This was the condition of the road for about 2.5 hours. Awesome.

"Oh man, now my shirt is chafin' me..."

Totally oblivious, rosy faced Ezra, working on getting as naked as possible.

Snow was so deep it was scraping the underside of the suburban. The SUBURBAN!! Do you know how freaking big those things are?!?

Tagged

2010-12-18T22:40:00.000-06:00

4 shows I watch:

So here I was supposed to say: "I don't watch tv anymore - we cancelled cable (which we did) and I am a much better person for it"
But instead, I have to say "I cancelled cable, but they didn't turn it off and now - ridiculously and hugely pregnant, after the kids are in bed - it is all I do." No better person here. Stinkin' Shaw.
So this becomes "Top 4 Shows I Watch"
1. 30 Rock (arguably the funniest show on tv)
2.Survivor
3.Modern Family
4. Amazing Race (Paul and I watch this and talk about how we would do it if we were on the show. Yep - total nerds. But if we ever went on the Amazing Race, we would seriously kick some A.)

4 things I’m passionate about:

1. Getting my basement put back together after yet another flood this summer.
2. Homeschooling. Not necessarily that I am passionate about it, but I AM passionate about questioning whether or not it is the right decision.
3. Getting my house DONE! Cleaned, organized, de-junked. The sooner I realize it will never be done, the happier I will be.
4. The names Henrietta and Walter. Love them, but they are going to be really tough, tough sells.

4 phrases I say a lot:

1.To self, "It'll be fine, I can do this. It'll be fine, I can do this. I'll be fine, I can do this..."
2. To self (again - OK, are you noticing a pattern here, because I am... Cer-RAZY) "Top to Bottom, Left to Right, Focus, focus, FOCUS!"
3. Out loud to kids, "One.... Two..... Three...."
4. "No, dad is not coming home tonight." Med school sucks.

4 things I have learned (YET STILL DO) from the past:

1.That if you go to bed with a dirty kitchen your next day is going to be playing catch up. All day long.
2. That if I lie down within 2 hours of eating, I will want to cry from heartburn.
3. Effort is very rarely not worth it.
4. Buy 4 bottles of Vidalia Sweet Onion dressing at Costco in the summer, because for some totally unknown reason, they do NOT stock it in the winter. Tragic.

4 places I’d like to go:

1. Machu Picchu. I want to go so bad it hurts. I watched a show on it on Discovery and it is unbelievably amazing. Now, it is at the top of the list.
2.Disneyworld
3. New York
4. Venice. Apparently, it is sinking (another Discovery show - see first topic) stinkin' climate change) so I should get on that one sooner, rather than later.

4 things I did yesterday:

1.Went to one of my besties yesterday, Naomi's, and it was like therapy.
2. Made some hair flowers for Charlotte with said Bestie. I love her.
3. Watched "Love Actually" with Paul and really, really loved it. But feel like I shouldn't because of a nude scene. But I really did love it.
4. Discovered that I love using a washcloth in the shower! Never tried it before and am fully converted now.

4 things I look forward to:

1. My basement being done!!!!! Which means:
a) Desk/office out of my bedroom
b) Toys out of the upstairs (no more stepping on random lego when I get out of bed (Hallelujah chorus))
c) DVD's up and out of Ezra's obsessive hands
d) Watching a movie as a family someplace other than my bed. A couch would be really, really awesome.

4 things I love about winter:

1. This is usually from just from the window, but I genuinely love the snow! Although, Saskatoon is making me a little more bitter about it. It was easier to love in Calgary where it wouldn't get and stay so cold, and would even periodically melt. What is not to love about that?!?
2. That my kids think 6:30 am (when it is still dark) is still the middle of the night. Much harder to convince them of that in the summer when the sun has been blazing in their room for an hour already.
3. Hot chocolate, the wide variety of herbal teas, Postum, Apple Cider....
4. Feeling far less exposed about all the pregnancy weight. "No, no - I haven't gained an obscene amount, I am just wearing lots of layers..."

4 things on my wish list:

1. To not move for Paul's residency.
2. To not ever, ever have water in my basement again. Never.
3. A new dresser, headboard and side tables. C'mon Santa!

4. One full day, guilt free to myself with no budget. I wouldn't go crazy, but would want to shop, eat lunch and get a pedicure without much thought of how much it was costing. And to be able to come home to a clean house, with fed, bathed children asleep in their beds. Seriously, doesn't that sound dreamy????

4 people I tag:

1. Naomi
2. Alice (start blogging already, would you???!!!)
3. Janine
4. Aimee

Under or over?

2010-12-16T11:26:00.000-06:00

In and amoungst all the blogs that are appropriately talking about Christmas, this post is going to be about the inappropriate and eternal debate of: bra over... or under. (Not know what I am talking about? Don't worry about it.)

Why is this subject to a blog post you ask?

I have discovered a few things after purchasing some fantastic new maternity jeans : (motherhood)

a) that I love the complete over the tummy stretchy band these jeans have. I never knew anything over the tummy when you are pregnant could feel SO good - but these - ahhhhh. MAJOR Comf. Seriously, those sceptical should give them a try. It is like getting a gentle hug, all day. Holds you in AND up... Shouldn't that be a requisite for all clothing?

b) No. More. Muffin. Top. Need I say more?

c) Jeans have a far greater chance of staying up with all that extra material, or at least are far less likely to show any... umm... plumber's... umm... you know. On that note, what is with maternity pants??? Seriously, this is the first pair I have ever worn that I wasn't forever yanking on to try to get them to stay where they should.

d) that when you tuck your g's under this, it helps them stay up even better. It is like cotton-y glue! AWESOME!!!

BUT: When you tuck your top into them, and then put your bra over... guess who loses in this ultimate fabric tug-of-war???

I'll give you a hint: rhymes with Moobs.

The girls become the ultimate losers and are pulled down and squished to look (dare I say) WORSE than post-nursing! I didn't know it was possible to make them look even less cheerless than wearing no bra at all. But let me tell you - it IS possible with bra-over-tucked-in-holding-up-your-pants.

Which brings me back to the original question.

Bra under (girls stay where they should and despite their comparison to a much larger tummy, are actually looking pretty dang good these days)

OR bra over (girls look saggy and the bra proceeds to slide up ultimately a making a friendly smiley face on not so friendly turf. Ouch and Ug all at the same time.)

Adieu, Inner Frump

2010-09-18T20:50:00.001-06:00

Do you ever have days where you realize you have been heading full-bore to a destination you had no intention of going to? Yesterday was one of those days. And the destination I nearly arrived at was Frumpsville, Homeschool Saskatchewan, Canada.

Holy Crap - when did that happen? Was it when I "decided" my hair wasn't that frizzy if it was constantly pulled into a pony tail when my hair was still half-wet? Never mind the super weird bumps that plagued my frizzy mop the second I took my hair out, or that I was cold all the time because I was walking around with wet hair virtually all day long and had to pile on Paul's Mr. Roger's sweaters.

Maybe it was when I sort-of stopped wearing make-up. It wasn't that I was against it, it just seemed silly when I hadn't yet washed my face from the morning.

It really could have tipped the scales when I wore my too-big-everywhere-but-my-ever-growing-belly-yoga-pants (complete with paint splotches) Out. In. Public. Complete with my frizzy pony-tail and wan skin.

Oh the mental picture you are all getting now is a pretty one, isn't it??

But unquestionably, what bought my one-way, non-refundable ticket to Frumpsville was going to girls night last night and realizing the sweater I was wearing was accompanied by another on my teeth. Yep. I had forgotten to brush my teeth that morning. I had showered (which meant frizzy, pony-tail hair) - but got interrupted before I finished my 1 minute regime, and consequently completely forgot about the teeth.

EEEEEEEEEWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!

I was one, terrifyingly small step away from being a braless, tie-died shirt wearing ultimate homeschooling frumpster.

Seriously.

This coming from someone who is absolutely and completely in love with the 1950's housewife for wearing high heels and a dress while vacuuming. I even HAVE the high heels that I would wear vacuuming, and holy crap - they are HOT!!! So why, oh why - did I nearly embrace the unruly hippy of the 60's?? My inner time-machine sent me to the Wrong Decade!

I read a really funny bio about someone who claimed "Fancy Nancy books had changed my life". And that was when I realized that was my way off the train! Fancy Nancy is about to become my shining beacon for a brand new me!!

So this morning I showered(!), brushed (and flossed!!) my teeth, did my hair and make-up, (!!!) put on my pearls and super cute cardi (!!!!) and went... to work cleaning my house. But I finally felt again that I did care about how I looked. I may be getting bigger every day, but at least I felt like I looked good!

So Adieu, inner frump (adieu is a fancy way of saying goodbye.) My time machine has been re-adjusted; from now on it is Bonjour Fancy Nancy!!!

Oh, Holy Barf

2010-08-17T10:22:00.004-06:00

I, like almost the rest of the entire world, am on Facebook. And because of this, I often mentally dialogue my life in terms of status updates. Not that I actually write them 95% of the time - but they cross my mind.

Maja Neilson Russell: "Just changed the 10th diaper of the day and it's not even noon"

Maja Neilson Russell: "Wants to know why I wash all the dishes before I put them in the dishwasher..."

Maja Neilson Russell: "Got all the beds made today and think I am pretty awesome."

Maja Neilson Russell: "Although as grateful as I am that Paul got in, I periodically think med school is for the birds."

You get the idea.

But there has only been ONE status update that has been on my mind for the last 6 weeks:

Maja Neilson Russell: "Oh, Holy Barf."

Not that anyone has been doing it a lot around here, it is just all I want to do. Every. Single. Minute. Of. The. Day.

So yes. That is exactly what all of you are immediately wondering and WHY I couldn't put that as a Facebook status.

Russell #5 appearing early March 2011.

And while I am excited and scared to death, all I can really think about is Oh, Holy Barf.

The Runner Among Us

2010-06-02T10:58:00.000-06:00

So - you may have read (from Laura's blog) - that she just finished her 2nd marathon. It was seriously incredible.

I have never, ever understood or even had the remotest desire to run a marathon. 42 kilometers is a LONG FREAKING WAY!!!!! There is a point driving back from Saskatoon to Calgary where you can see the skyline faintly in the distance, and even though you are still forever away, you can make out buildings. At this point, there is a sign that says: "Calgary city centre - 42km". I think of a marathon every single time I see that sign. And it makes me want to barf to think my own feet would propel me that far in just a few measly hours! Sure, if I had a week, maybe... But in one day?!?! All at once?!?!? Without stopping???

Not a chance.

But then I was watching "The Biggest Loser" (seriously love that show, even if it does make me feel guilty for watching it while I am eating a large bowl of ice cream), and they were training for a marathon. It dawned on me that marathons are just as much about mental fortitude as it is about strength and endurance. To mentally commit to the task, plan, prepare and persevere through the HOURS of boredom is probably just as tough as the physical act of moving your body forward. Well, it might not be for some people, but it definitely would be for me.

I went to watch Laura run and it was awesome!!!! She worked so hard and pushed and trained and was rewarded with accomplishing an incredible goal. More than anything, I was so dang proud of her for doing what would be an impossible thing for me. We saw her 3 times, and at the last I ran a short ways with her (uphill, just after I scarfed down a granola bar and in rain boots. It was only a short way before I had to veer off to the bushes and PUKE. Captain Cardio - to the rescue!! Yep - my marathon experience of 200 feet was AWESOME!!)

Which brings me back to my original point. I still don't ever want to run a marathon. Ever. But I feel like at least now I get what drives people and makes them want to do such an insane thing. And all the power to them. Way to go Laura - you are a machine!!

Thinking about some things...

2010-05-17T17:15:00.000-06:00

So for those of you who thought I was a little lu-lu to still nurse my mcFats, here is a DOOZEY for ya -

I am back thinking about homeschooling my kids again.

Yup. Certifiable.

And I say "again" because I tried it for a month at the same time as Ezra was born... recipe for utter failure. Lincoln was in school before the month was over. It was HARD!! Four kids 6 and under and no one besides their sleep-deprived, blurry-eyed mother could read!! My expectations of that month were completely unrealistic for anyone - and gave no allowance for a new baby. So - I threw Lincoln (and Oli into Kindergarden) into the closest school, and gave up on the dream.

The thing about homeschooling though, is that I am completely converted to the idea of it. I love creating a cirriculum based on what my kids strengths and weaknesses are, and catering to the things that they are interested in. I love that they can learn to work, play and be invested in being a team. I love talking to adults who were home schooled as children and hear of their experiences and see how cool, bright and interesting they are. I love that other grade 2 kids would not determine what is "cool" for our family. I love that they learn to play and love and help their siblings. I love that not only would I know what they are learning about, I actually have a say.

That being said, I couldn't do it. And then they kept going to school and liked it. I liked it too - the teachers were great and they had friends who were nice. But I still kept my fingers in the homeschooling scene. Lincoln continued to go to Ecology Club at the university every Wed. morning. And I would often talk to my SIL who home schools - wishing that I could have done it for my own kids.

In my head, I hated giving up on it. I hated feeling like I failed, or that I wasn't tough enough to do it.

But now - events and conversations and promptings have led me there again. Almost.

It just scares the free-holies out of me because this time, I know what I am getting into, but still don't KNOW what to do about it.

I also love the internet, because I can tell everybody what I am doing, but I don't actually have to see it in your face, or, if you are more blunt, hear that you think I am crazy.

And I don't need to hear it...because I already know ~!!

It is that Time of Year Again

2010-04-30T01:48:00.000-06:00

I have a love/hate relationship with spring. It is such a huge relief to get out of the (let's be honest) demoralizing winter's of Saskatchewan. They are so long, so cold and so painful that when spring comes - you grab hold of tight, like a treasured prize you are afraid to lose. I feel like I can start being social again! I no longer want to hide out in my house in hibernation mode!

But with the spring - in Saskatoon anyway, comes a whole different wave of sadness. We, like many of our friends, are Alberta/BC ex-pats. We came to Saskatchewan with the lure and hope of being able to get into the college of our husband's dream's (mostly Dental, but a few crazies want Vet Med, Medicine, Education, Pharmacy or Law). Like our friends we moved away from family and have had babies out here and have raised young families. It is a unique place where people come, try to get in, stay a few years and then - move on.

And every spring it happens - people move on. I am so grateful for spring to finally arrive here, but also hate that it is always associated with farewells. I am so happy for the friends that I have made here over the years, and equally happy for my friends - that they get to move on to the next chapter of life (What? You can actually be DONE school AND make money?????), but I am sad for me to say goodbye.

This year we say goodbye to the Jubber's, Stone's (maybe not?), Gauthier's, Cooper's, Baker's and Jahn's. We will really miss you guys.

Nursing

2010-04-26T22:11:00.001-06:00

Since Ezra is now, umm... *about* 19 3/4 months old, many of you must assume that surely I must be talking about the profession. But no - this post is about why I am still nursing my man-child. I felt like I had to do this as almost a confessional - but I am just getting over a bout of mastitis and my secret came out. Yes, I am still nursing. And I know that I must stop soon. But for now - this is why:

a) He is such a cutie and when I ask him if he wants to nurse, he says through a closed mouth this high, soft "um-hum"with a raised intonation at the end. It melts me! it is so freaking cute, it gets me. Every. Single. Time.

b) He doesn't talk yet! He has a couple words, but for the most part he is just a happy, easy going baby who lets his brother's and sister do all the talking for him. (The doctor said he has fluid in his ears and may need tubes... but I don't know any more details yet.) And if he was to come up to me and say, "Mom, would you please let me have some breast milk" I just might barf. No words=not gross. At least not yet.

c) It doesn't slow me down or impede on my life in any way. I get a couple extra minutes of snuggle-time/sleep in the morning - and who would object to that?!?

d) The AMA and CPA (American Medical Assoc., Canadian Ped. Assoc and pretty much any other Assoc. that has anything to do with kids) all recommend that you nurse "to 2 years and beyond". Ok, really???? It is crazy to think that is what they recommend. I am feeling weird enough that I am still nursing him and he is still less than 2. But whatever.

e) Have you seen me in the last 6 months? I have lost 40 lbs!!!!! Not entirely sure how - it may be a combination things, but I am pretty sure nursing has had something to do with it. Seriously though - I am more than a little nervous to be completely done! I am loving my skinny jeans and am quite sure I am not wanting to open up my Big Bin again.

f) He isn't my last baby (at least I don't think he is), but I am recognizing that this time is limited. So very, very short. Maybe that is why I have nursed him for about 4 months longer than any of my other kids.

g) Those eyes...

It won't be for much longer, but for now I just had to say it.

My name is Maja Russell and I still nurse.

My Best Frien-Emy

2010-04-09T11:07:00.001-06:00

Did you know that problem gamblers can have themselves banned from their choice of casino(s) for an entire year? That is freaking awesome! For people who recognize they have a problem, (and likely after a really BAD binge) they can talk to the manager and have themselves put on a no-trespassing list along with their photo ID. That way, when days pass and the remorse of the previous bender is forgotten and they want to go back, need to even, they are arrested on the spot for trespassing. Seriously, it is BRILLIANT. What better way to help someone who has an issue? Keep them from the source!

Now, if only I could convince Costco to do this for me - I would be very, very happy (or, more to the point, Paul would be very, very happy...) After trying to find a home for 14 boxes of cereal from our last trip, I think I may have a problem.

And NEED to be put on that list.

Match Maker Lincoln

2010-04-03T21:10:00.003-06:00

Lincoln - "Mom, I need you to pull my loose tooth tonight."

Me - "Sure (I love pulling their teeth out and normally it's a fight), but why tonight?"

Lincoln - "So the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy can meet!!!"

Love that kid.

Blind as a Bat, Mad as a Hatter!!

2010-03-24T21:14:00.001-06:00

I wear glasses. Not because I think it will make me look cool or smarter, but because I am BLIND without them. Like "if-I-put-them-down-and-I-don't-remember-where-I-put-them-I-will-never-see-again" kind of way. It is a monster pain in the A. And I often wonder what I would have done if I was born several hundred years ago; I would have been in MAJOR trouble. Seriously, what did people with massive astigmatism and near-sightedness do? As I learned today, just day to day functioning is seriously limited when you can't see. I changed Ezra's diaper and had to be about 5 inches away to see what the heck I was doing. Yeah. Major Disgust-o.

As I wear glasses and need glasses... my sweet last born loves to mutilate glasses. It gives him great pleasure and joy to bend them, find that sweet spot of resistance, and then Keep. On. Pushing. I always leave my glasses on my bedside table, because, well, see above paragraph. But every so often he gets to them in the morning before I am awake and lays into them in new and creative ways. After taking them to get fixed after three different "episodes" I had one side held together by a twist tie.

Anyway, I have wanted to get my eyes lasered for the last 10 years. But it is expensive, and to do it, they slice into your cornea!!! I am sorry, but that is just so creepy to think about. I know it is no big deal, that the quality of my life would improve, I would have new found freedom, blah blah blah, but it still scares the crap of me and I can't pull the trigger on it. I have had the consult twice and have even booked the surgery a few times, but pull out every single time.

So today Ezra got to my glasses again. This time he really showed them who was boss. The count: Ezra 5, glasses 0. This was the equivalent of a flat-line. I literally woke up to the sound of the flapping arm of my glasses. This time, I knew there was nothing that could be done. They were officially destroyed. I was so upset because, since I am planning on getting my eyes lasered, I am out of contacts. This meant, I was going to be virtually blind until I could get in for surgery!! NOT COOL EZRA!!!!!!!!

I talked to Laura - my fantastic SIL who lives across the street (one of the main reasons why we moved) and she happily came over to my rescue. She found the missing lens (I of course couldn't see to find it), and Woody dropped the deeply injured frames off at Saskatoon Optical (here is a plug because if they can't fix them, no one can) on his way to school. Miracle of miracles, they were able to repair them and Laura picked them up that afternoon. I had booked the surgery for Friday, but now that I can see again, I am not too sure...!

I was so insanely grateful to Woody and Laura who saved the day. I nearly threw the stronger-than-he-should-be-boy-mangled glasses out but Wood took over and knew where to take them. It was seriously awesome of them, and even more awesome to be able to see again. Thanks again guys.

Now, what to do about the surgery...???

Grown Men Don't Cuddle Their Mom's

2010-01-07T05:40:00.004-06:00

Today is going to be a very l-o-n-g day. Paul and I are NOT go-to-bed-early kind of people, but were both so exhausted last night that we were asleep by 9:30(!). Crazy! New record. But as I was about to fall asleep, I felt happy that I would be so well rested for tomorrow because I have a scary amount of stuff that I have to do in the next 3 weeks (we are moving, but got possession of the house last evening and have until the 31st to paint most of the new house, pack, move and unpack.) So everyday is going to be a Very. Big. Day.

At about 12:30am, I woke up obsessing about all that I need to do. I finally got out of bed half an hour later and worked on a master list hoping that I would be able to sleep after I wrote it all out. After finally feeling tired again at 3:30, I thought I would try again to go back to sleep. After another 20 minutes of lying there - I heard little footsteps get out of bed, a tentative turn of our squeaky door knob, and an announcement of a bad dream. Lincoln crawled into bed on my side and I happily snuggled up to him, grateful for the diversion to my brain on hyper-plan mode. He quickly fell asleep and as I lay there, holding my oldest I was in shock. He was 7.5 years old! When did that happen? How did it happen?

And more importantly, how much longer would he climb into our bed because of a bad dream?

At that moment, I had an epiphany - Grown men don't cuddle their mothers. (Maybe sometimes a grown daughter - but I don't think it happens often. I know, I know, very weird thing to think about - but still.)

Which meant that all this loveliness of fixing my children's problems by simply snuggling up was fleeting.

It made me so sad and joyful all at once. Sad that I couldn't freeze the moment, sad that I could only hold him then until I had to get up to go to the bathroom, sad that there will all too soon come a time where my children won't need their mom so much.

And so joyful that I got to realize it!!! Charlotte came in about 20 minutes after Lincoln and I was so glad that instead of being annoyed at my cramped space, I was in bliss! I was sandwiched by 2 little sweet bodies! I kept thinking - ok Ez, Oli... where are you guys?!?! Don't you know about the party in here??

I finally got why you can cry when you are sad and cry when you are happy, because at that moment I could have cried for both.

My mind wandered back to my master list. I still have to pack, paint, unpack and it is still a gross amount of work. But my strategy is different. My previous plan was to divert the kids as much as possible. (Hello Treehouse!) But now I want them there - packing, (and them unpacking what I pack), unpacking (breaking/messing up my perfectionism), and even painting (and the utter disaster that will ensue). But I want them there for everything - because too soon they won't be.

Sorry about the sap level, but it is now 5:40 am and I have yet to go back to sleep, AND this is the closest I get to a journal... so there you go.

But I really think I am going to get "Grown Men Don't Cuddle Their Mom's" in vinyl and put it up somewhere so I don't forget that beautiful moment, because it really was beautiful.

I just am not excited about explaining my weirdness to all who see it.

Done and Done!

2009-12-16T19:37:00.004-06:00

So with no taxes looming, obviously there is not much that I can think of that is blog worthy.

EXCEPT

I finished chem 30 Monday night

And I got a 96 overall.

Yep - feeling pretty good.

Although, I have to admit - that 4% is really, SERIOUSLY, bugging me.

The parts that I AM happy about:

It is such a transition from when I took it in high school and failed. I would never go to class and would regularly skip unit tests. I have now learned that it is kinda helpful to attend AND write tests in an attempt to get good grades.
It was a challenge. Not only was the class hard on my unused brain, but also finding time to study with the kids
Two times a week, I would walk out the door, Paul put the kids to bed and I could think of something other than diapers, dinner preparations and cleaning. One night - after a particularly exasperating day, Paul asked if I wanted to go to class - I was shocked at how vehemently I responded YES! It was seriously fantastic to walk out the door to do something that I genuinely enjoyed. (As I was rewriting my notes one day with my brightly coloured pen collection, Paul came into the office, saw what I was doing and said, "Nerd it up, Poindexter. Nerd it up!" I did, do, and love it.
One day I went and was sitting beside my friend Brittany. She is 18 and young and cute and trying to get into dental hygiene. I looked down, looked at her and realized we were wearing EXACTLY the same outfit! I commented to her how awesome she must feel wearing the exact same outfit as a 32 yr old mom of 4!! I am sure she was super pumped!!!
I can finally graduate from high school! Class of 2009 BABY!!! I was short 2 credits and, even though I could write Alberta Education a letter and get the 2 credits from "life experience" - I just always thought that was LAME. So, this was always the plan - to get chem 30 and graduate. It only took me 14 years to do it. As a side note, I did go to university (- haven't quite finished that either... noticing a pattern yet? Hello, ADD!) and at this rate will be 147 when I graduate from univeristy, but hey. Long term goals.)
IT WAS FREE!! Thank you Saskatchewan tax payers!!!

But it is done. And I am mostly happy. And I may or may not ever get over that 4%.

Now on to Physics 30 in Jan!

What's in your pockets?

2009-11-25T22:37:00.001-06:00

At my class today, my teacher asked if someone in the class had a dime. Since I neglected to bring my wallet, I emptied my pockets to see if I had one stashed somewhere.

From my pockets, I pulled out:

one spool of white thread
2 screws
a piece of lego
a bobby pin
Canadian Tire money
An air inflator pin
an iPod
Lincoln's tooth (in a baggy so you are not TOO grossed out (top front that he just lost yesterday)
A Toonie from the tooth fairy, that somehow ended up back in my pocket.

No dime. But I was pretty sure that being a mom made my pocket contents the most interesting in the class...

Now I super curious - does every mom have random stuff in their pockets at the end of the day? What are in your pockets right now? If you feel like leaving a comment about this - it would make my day. I really want to know!

Just Because This Brought Me So Much Joy...

2009-11-14T15:30:00.003-06:00

These are the proofs for Oliver's school pictures this year...

He said, "I was trying to smile, but my face wouldn't let me!"

I have never loved a picture more, nor has one made me laugh so hard.

Thank you Oli - you made my day.

You can click on it to see all of its full glory...

Update

2009-11-11T23:40:00.001-06:00

Man, I am the worst at updates. As requested, here is some more info...

California was awesome and... no earthquakes. Wicked. The shoot was super fun. but I am not sure when/if they will use the footage. They do it with 4 different people every 6 weeks and so get an overload of material. At first I was a little bummed that it might not be used - like maybe it was an indicator that they weren't thrilled with what I said. And what about my friends whom I had told about the shoot, and then... no Maja. I wouldn't want anyone to think I had LIED! And then, I realized, all that was the ca-RAZY talking, and in the end if they didn't use it, I still got a fantastic free trip to California with my sweet Hubs and Chubs (aka Saskatoon Fats, McChub... Ezra) AND I don't have to be on tv talking ABOUT MY ACNE. Turns out, I am perfectly ok with option #2.

Photos of the shoot:

At the Getty with the cute boys... (Just as an FYI - Ezra really was the star of the shoot - they ATE up the chubbiness)

Now on to Lincoln - he is getting BETTER!!!! I really started to notice a difference when I got home from church on Sunday. And then on Monday - it was like he was himself again. He got dressed!!!! For the first time in 10 days!!!! AND said he was "really hungry and sick and tired of fasting..." haha! I was over the moon with relief and so, so grateful that he was getting better. I kept hugging him all day and yelling - You are getting BETTER!! I am so HAPPY!

And then, as I was walking out of my house to an exam, Lincoln said he was super itchy. So I checked him out and the poor kid was covered in HIVES! I mean head to toe, can't stop scratching welt-y looking nastiness. I went from utter elation of having him improve so dramatically to despair that he was allergic to the antibiotic that was saving his life. It was all I could do to not sob. I was more upset at the sight of those things than going to the hospital in an ambulance. At that point I was still in ignorance to the gravity of the situation, but now I was fully aware of the seriousness. And he couldn't take the drug anymore.

And I was going to class to write an EXAM.

Every question I read my head spun thinking of Lincoln. Do I take him back to the ER? Walk-in? How does Le Chatellier's principle apply to...? How can I phone the health line, ER, family friends who are doctors from here? What is the concentrations of products and reactants at equilibrium? Is this as big a deal as I am making it out to be in my head???

I could hardly read my eyes were so blurred from tears.

Finally I finished and got a hold of our friend Kevin, who is nearing the end of his residency in family med and calmed my super over reactive fears. He said Lincoln wasn't likely allergic, and I should continue on with the treatment.

What a stress though. I did as Kevin told me, and sure enough - there has been nothing more. And he keeps getting better; and more and more bored at being at home. He really could go back tomorrow, but I will likely keep him home until Monday just to be on the safe side.

So there - updated!! Thanks again for all your prayers, well wishes and support. It meant a lot to me to know so many people cared.

(And an update on the exam... I got 96%.)

PS

2009-11-06T14:59:00.001-06:00

This is what I am doing instead of my taxes. Which really need to be done, and I REALLY don't want to do. We'll see how many posts I do before I finish them... (this is post 4 in less than 24 hours. Good grief.)

TLC's 18 Kids and Counting

2009-11-06T14:57:00.000-06:00

I have a new favourite show on tv that I LOVE - TLC's 18 Kids and Counting!!! It is on my PVR, and I record all episodes, new and old. When it starts, I start smiling, and the goofy grin stays on my face THE ENTIRE TIME I watch it. To be honest, it is hard for me to explain why I love it so much, but I am going to try because I think it is so good that everybody should watch it. (Once you get over that fact that the dad's name is Jim-Bob and the initial shock to the cheesiness- you get used to it and then start to enjoy it. And I mean, really love it!)

It does not have extra-ordinarily beautiful people on it, but they are extra-ordinary people which makes them beautiful.
It is not the funniest show on tv (30 Rock holds that title), but, like I said earlier - I am smiling the entire time it is on.
There is no drama, astounding wit or intense situation. Unless you count living with 21 people. That would be a lot of drama for me.
It is the only show on tv that I can think of that they talk about God. They talk about their beliefs, and you see it in action. I love that they can talk about God. He has become so taboo that the only time you hear His name on tv now, it is taken in vain. So this is such a great change.
It seriously inspires me. There are so many things that I see, and think, Yeah. I want to do that. For example, I try so hard to never yell anymore because they don't yell at their kids. Ever. Did I mention there are 18 of them? And they are not all over the age of 20. They have little ones, Lincoln, Oliver, Charlotte, and Ezra's age - plus probably a couple more in the same age span. And no yelling. They explained it one show that they want to show by example how the kids need to learn to respond. Love that. But I am, by nature, a Neilson. And Neilson's are LOUD (Happy loud, mad loud, excited loud... My nana used to tell me "Soft and classy, not loud and Brassy." Now I tell that to Charlotte and it has come full circle. She is ALL Neilson - a mini Maja in fact.) Anyway - back to the Duggar's...
They homeschool. I went down that crazy road last year and it only lasted a month, but I keep holding it in my heart that maybe I will do it again. (And as a side note - for all intents and purposes I am doing again, simply because Lincoln will be missing at least a month's worth of school due to this nasty virus.) I love that she does it though. LOVE it. The kids are so happy and the environment is so protected. And by the the time they get old enough to be out in the world, they make good decisions because that is how they have been taught.
They teach modesty to the kids. They don't let the boys see immodesty in others and if someone is approaching who is dressed inappropriately, they say the Code Word "Nike" and the boys drop their eyes. The girls are covered and modest and don't think anything of it. They want people to focus on their faces, not their bodies. While extreme, it sure makes a lot of sense.
They all work hard, play hard and are live providently. Does that even make sense? I feel as though they are what most LDS people strive to be.
They are good, righteous, wholesome people who make me want to be better. And I see how they live and think, "they are living the gospel better than me!!" I need to work on that!! (And no, they are not LDS, but holy cow they should be!) But it is awesome to feel that way after WATCHING A TV SHOW. The ironic thing is they don't watch tv. At all. I think they have a 10" screen with rabbit ears that they dig out of the closet to watch if the parents are being interviewed. So many things for me to work on...

OK - so I said it would be hard to explain... Maybe not so much seeing I could still go on and on. But don't take my word for it -check it out Tues. night on TLC (the Learning Channel). It is so nice to see something so GOOD on tv and I want to support that kind of television. Not just by watching it, but also by telling other people about it.

Family Pics

2009-11-06T08:56:00.002-06:00

You have seen a preview of some pics that were taken By Chantelle Slocombe - but here are the rest. She is so good and I am thrilled with them! I am hoping that there is an awesome one of everyone that is still going to come... (just as an FYI - the last family pics we had done, I was pregnant with Charlotte, so we were a little overdue for some new ones!!)

Paul and Me

(yes, that grammar is correct - I think...)

Paul

sLincoln

Oli - Boli or Bolsifer

(or Small-iver, but he doesn't like that one too much)

Charlotte

(Chuck - but mostly she gets MAD when you call her anything but Charlotte)

The Ezi-nator

The Group

More About Linc

2009-11-05T17:44:00.003-06:00

I do have other children, I swear. But it seems like most of my blogs are about sweet, sweet Linc. He really is that sweet though and this is another post dedicated to my first born, the apple of my eye.

As some of you have heard Lincoln has been SO SICK. For 8 days, he has had a high fever, sore throat, cough, severe body aches, and has generally felt like complete and utter garbage. As he put it, he said "I am so sick, I feel like I might die..." Ohhh... my poor buddy!

So I have been the ever diligent mom. Stopping what I was doing to give him a cuddle if he needed it, popsicles if he wanted, medicine, back rubs - pretty much anything that turned his fancy he got. He would say so often, "Mom, thank you for being so good to me while I have been sick. I promise, when I feel better, I will make you breakfast in bed."

Man that kid - you see why I melt a little.

Back to Linc. So he has had a cough since last Wed. (and yes, I am certain he has H1N1 and no, he has not officially been tested), but since Sunday it has become a more persistant cough. And he had complained a couple times that it was hard for him to breathe, and his heart rate and breathing was up. Not thinking too much of it, I tried my best to make him comfortable. It continued, and finally Wed. night I thought I would finally take him into the walk-in clinic. He didn't want to be there after waiting for 1 hour, and told me again that it was hard to breathe, and that all he wanted to do was go home and go to sleep. He was even crying! I felt so bad for him, that I went to tell the desk clerk that was having a hard time breathing and this moved him up the line. After 20 more minutes of agonizing wait, we finally got in to see the Doctor. He listened to his chest, and sent him immediately over for a chest x-ray. When we got back about 10 minutes later, he ran in from seeing the x-ray with an oxygen tank and pulse -oxygen meter. He measured Lincoln and he was at an 84 which apparently is NOT good. He phoned an ambulance, and told us that Lincoln needed to be at the ER where he could be properly helped. I was in SHOCK. Lincoln just had a cough! Ok, he did have H1N1, but this guy was saying that he now had pneumonia, that part of his lung collapsed and that he had seen kids with higher levels of O2 crash, respiratory distress...

CRASH??? RESPIRATORY DISTRESS??? WHAT????

So - off we go in the ambulance. Wheeled out of the clinic on a stretcher. With masks on. It was so surreal, I could hardly even register that it was that serious, let alone real. Although when they took his pulse-oxygen in the ambulance it was in the 70's - so it helped re-focus me as to what was really going on. I tried not to think about that line from About a Boy that "while it was really serious to be driving behind an ambulance, driving that fast was fantastic..." It was serious and scary and this was LINCOLN! (But it was my first time in an ambulance, and maybe that part was a little cool. - )

After about 4 hours in the pediatric ER, and once his fever was controlled, his oxygen levels stabilized to 92 - enough to go home for the night. We are on high alert though - if his conditions worsens at all, if he is not getting better in 48 hours, if he throws up his antibiotics we are to come back immediately. He does have a secondary infection from ILI (influenza-like-illness officially) - pneumonia and part of his lung had collapsed. Poor, poor, sweet Lincoln! I felt terrible that I hadn't taken him in earlier. That I had blown off his telling me "that it was hard to breathe" as just part of this flu. When we got home, I held him and told him I was so sorry. And promised not to blow it again. (Not till next time anyway...) This is my sweet boy, and it is crazy to realize how serious it was. The walk-in doctor phoned today, asking how he was feeling and re-hashed the previous evenings events with me. Today, he was even more upfront about how scared he was for Lincoln. It had really, really scared him. When I think about how Lincoln had been so tired in the waiting room, and that he had been begging to go home to go to bed, crying that he was so sick... it makes me sick to think about the possibilities. And beyond grateful that I finally took him into the clinic when I did, and for doctors, and diagnostic equipment, and for vaccines so others won't have to go through this...

So it was pretty crazy and very scary. But I hope now that he will get better quickly. He is on some crazy antibiotics that make him gag, but hopefully he is on the mend. Thanks to all of you who have called and for dinners. We didn't need them, but it is so nice to be thought of. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

And Then There is Oli...

2009-10-03T19:30:00.000-06:00

For those of you who made a comment on Sweet, Sweet Linc that perhaps the reason why Lincoln is such a sweet, tender boy is because I am his mother - I would like you to know that it is more likely that Lincoln is as sweet as he is DESPITE me, not BECAUSE of me.

For example:

At church on Sunday, Oliver came running up to me while I was still lingering and chatting in Relief Society. He had his usual paraphernalia with him that he had done in primary that he was excited to show me. Since Canadian Thanksgiving is looming (I assume this is the reason), the kids were asked to draw a picture of what they were thankful for. I am sure there were children who drew lovely pictures of their families, or of healthy bodies, or some other lovely thing.

Oli told me proudly that he was "grateful for Zombies!" Indeed - the two "people" in his picture had x's for eyes, and arms sticking straight out. My child was the most grateful for the undead.

Yes, that was a proud parenting moment.

And I realized that it was because the night before I had introduced them to the music video Thriller and Lincoln, Oliver and Charlotte were working hard to master the epic dance moves of the late MJ.

So all of you who thought I was a good mom now stand corrected; any inherent goodness in our kids is all because of Paul - his genes and his parenting.

But their moves...

they get that all from me.

Just a Mom...

2009-09-28T10:27:00.002-06:00

I was at church yesterday when I had a conversation with a woman I didn't know very well. She is at a stage in her life where she is quite miserable, so this is by no means reflective of her, or her comment. But it is the generalization that warrants this post. Her question to me was:

"Are you just a mom, or do you do anything else?"

Just a mom????

Are you kidding me?

I have heard this question before, but this time it really hit home as to how truly one dimensional it is. I think she was wondering if I had a paid job that I did as well.

But Paul is in medical school - and I am quite sure, even though he also does not get paid, is never asked,

"Are you just a med student?"

I answered her with my tail feathers ruffled that I was far more than JUST a mom.

I am taking a class (and kicking butt and taking name in it), I am taking piano lessons, I am running, I have four children who need/demand/want me, a husband who I try to support with a happy home and few pressures (except for the deck - another story entirely), I babysit one day a week, I am in a book club, I am involved at Lincoln's school, I am active in my callings at church... Here I am justifying to the anonymous world of the internet that I am more than just a one dimensional person.

But as I write the things that I do and that occupy my time, I am realizing that if all I was was a mom - than I might be far better at it. It might mean that I was putting all of my very best possible effort into one of the most difficult and important jobs in the world. I am raising my children to be good citizens; happy responsible adults who love God, people and the world around them.

If that really was "all I did" wouldn't that be enough???

What an idiot...

2009-09-18T12:59:00.004-06:00

When I check my blogroll to see who has posted, I always go to my own blog. Which means I am looking at my own blog every single day! And I have to be honest - how my blog looks drives me mental most of the time. I feel like I change the appearance of my blog on a weekly basis - almost more than I post. But I like being able to change it whenever I get sick of seeing the same old thing!

Now knowing this about myself, I really wonder why, at 16, I thought it was SUCH an awesome idea to GET A TATOO!!!!!!!!

Growing Pains

2009-09-16T22:19:00.003-06:00

My goals this semester are intense. I am expanding my mind and downsizing my body. And my report: It is painful!! The whole everything! My brain is not used to this business of sustained exertion, and for that matter, neither is my body. UGH. All good Ugh, but Ugh all the same.

Sweet, Sweet Linc

2009-09-14T13:03:00.004-06:00

Lincoln is a very sweet boy. He is tender and thoughtful and wants to be a good boy. BUT he is OBSESSED with Lego. I mean obsessed. Since we no longer watch tv/computer games and only do one movie a week, this is how he fills his time. He makes very elaborate space ships, and space stations. He will spend quite some time working hard on a new design, and then give it to his brother to play with. He talks about what he is going to build next, shows me the features on the projects he is working on, takes them to bed with him... He LOVES lego. But, he feels he doesn't have ENOUGH lego. Paul and I are trying really hard to cut back on our spending, so we have talked about how Christmas is coming up and he should think about which set to ask Santa for. For about 2.5 weeks, it was almost out of control how desperate he was about getting more lego. He cried, begged, pleaded... he NEEDED more lego. FOR TWO AND A HLAF WEEKS! He was driving me crazy!!!! So we started doing an allowance. We have always had a chore chart where the kids are responsible for the number of chores as how old they are, but we weren't in a super routine and only really did it a couple times a week. Now, we told Lincoln that for every sticker he gets $0.10. He collects every Saturday. First, we take out tithing, then we divide the remaining into 2 jars; mission and spending. This really is a painfully slow way to get a lego set, but Paul and I feel like we need to teach them to save, to work hard, save for a mission... etc. So that is the plan. He has now been saving for a few weeks and feels like he is in control - and can buy that lego set when he works hard enough. (And more to the point, he no longer asks for more Lego.)
MISSION! ACCOMPLISHED!

He came home today all on fire after learning about Terry Fox. "Mom, were you alive when Terry Fax ran partway across Canada?" Did you know he had a prosthetic and did it on one leg?" " When I grow up, I want to be just like Terry Fox" and then, (this is the part that gets me):

"Mom, in 2 weeks when we have the Terry Fox run, I want to give all my money to help the people who need prosthetics. I just want to dedicate my life to helping others."

Man, I love that little boy - even more than he loves his Lego.

Happy New Years!

2009-09-12T15:08:00.005-06:00

When September rolls around, I go from being really sad that summer is gone (and completely terrified that another Saskatchewan winter is upon us) - to utterly thrilled at the new year! Although I know it technically isn't a new year, it feels way more like it than January 1.

With that in mind, and thanks to an 8 hour drive home from Glenwood, I was able to plan, set some goals and get excited about the coming months.

1. Take piano lessons! I have started/stopped so many times I have lost count, but now I have Lincoln doing it with me so there is no stopping allowed. Since I am already threatening him within a inch of his life to practice, it is the least I can do. Really, the timing is perfect.

2. Take Chemistry 30 (grade 12 chem). Holy dinah this one scares the crap out of me! I never passed chem 30 in high school - but I like to think that it was because I NEVER went, missed a couple unit tests, etc; not because I COULDN'T do it. But now - all bets are off! What happens if I go to every class, do all my homework and actually write the tests... and still do poorly! That would be a disaster! So I am basically studying every night because my fear is all consuming. I read my notes while I am eating lunch, blow drying my hair, "watching" the kids on the tramp... This has resulted in my being the ultimate nerd in class. On the first night I thought 80% would be awesome. Then I heard how some people are gunning for a 90% to get into competitive programs. That really pushed me over the edge. Now I have to get 100%!!

3. Run 10 km in 60 min by the real New Year. That is a REALLY fast pace for me, since my current speed would rival the tortoise, with the endurance of the hare. NOT a great combo.

4. No tv for all of September. Paul and I can watch a movie once a week and the kids can pick a movie once a week. But nothing more. It has been more than a little weird. What? Else? Is? There????? Thankfully goal #2 is taking up some time, but wow. Have a little more free time now... You may see I post a little more often...!!!

Funny Pauly

2009-09-11T13:15:00.004-06:00

Paul went to Walmart last night and brought me home some candy. He pulled out "17 Again" and yelled EYE candy!!! hahahahaha

EYE candy!

That guy makes me laugh.

Hello Hotness

2009-09-10T10:14:00.002-06:00

I just saw "17 Again" and now have a cougar crush on Zac.

Good times...

2009-07-07T17:27:00.004-06:00

So pretty much everyone who knows me about The Flood (not the Noah's Ark version, but our very own Christmas Day surprise.) For such a small amount of water (about 3 inches) it did a surprising amount of damage. We have gone through all the stages: packing up the entire basement, the massive demolition (floors, walls and ceilings), building new walls, electricians, plumbers, drywallers, mudders, tapers, painters, more electricians, flooring guy, construction of massive quantities of Ikea (thanks to my dad for coming to our rescue), and finally - just when I was starting to feel like maybe I had a handle on it, all of our stuff that was in storage came back yesterday. ARGH!!!!!!!! This is the project that will never end! For those of you who remember the old me; you may know that once upon a time I was organized. I used to really be on top of my game. Now I went from the majors to little league... and I am at the bottom of my division!

But in the end, it will be dealt with. The boxes will be unpacked, the entertainment unit will have doors on it, the desk and office will be a nice space to work, the bathroom will be done, my house will finally be clean again... and when that happens it will end up being the best Christmas present ever. Until then though, it is just a MONSTER PAIN IN THE ...

Quilt Giveaway

2009-05-19T19:54:00.002-06:00

This is a beautiful quilt by a friend of mine. AMAZING! Love how talented she is! Quick - check it out before it closes tonight.

Whole Lotta Crazy...

2009-05-18T22:17:00.002-06:00

So it is really no secret that I am a little nuts. Many of you would suggest that "little" isn't quite enough to aptly describe the Ku-Ku, but that is ok. For the most part, my crazy is funny - a quirky side of me that I am well aware of, but doesn't really affect my life. Enter my INSANE fear of earthquakes. I am wholly and completely terrified of them. There have been many days where I wake up and think, "I am so glad I live in SASKATCHEWAN because there is NO CHANCE of there ever being an earthquake here." (Such is the benefit of being completely land-locked in the middle of the prairies in Canada. Yup - no chance of an earthquake here! Ok - did you hear that crazy? I LOVE living in Saskatchewan because of no earthquakes??? Yeah - Yikes.)

To explain: when I was 14, my siblings and I were visiting my Nana and Opa in Palm Desert. It was AWESOME! We hung out at the pool everyday and it was the closest I have ever been in my life to having a tan. We were there for 3 weeks and I was in heaven. We saw Geckos and went shopping, went to Disneyland... I felt like we had truly had the "full" California experience. Then on a Wednesday before we were to leave, there was a tremor. It was only 4.1 - enough to give us a little shake and an even bigger thrill. It was AWESOME! WAY better than Disneyland! We had so much adrenaline and couldn't believe our luck at being able to tell all our friends that we were actually in a real earthquake. Then about an hour later, the mobile home started shaking with the fury of a deranged parent! Stuff was flying out of cupboards and the freezer and my bags were packed before it was over. It was 6.3 and we were only 5 miles from the epicenter AND San Andreas Fault. They believed this quake had a 25% chance of causing "The Big One". Umm.... hello? I wanted out of there!!!!!!! I had HAD it with California and vowed to never, ever cross the state border again.

Earthquakes became something I thought about from time to time. When the garage door opened in my parents house in Calgary I quietly freaked. As I did when a freight truck drove too fast down the street, Apparently there is a massive fault line in Utah and every time we visit family I am always aware; listening for crickets because that night in California was SILENT. I finally went back to California a couple summers ago with Paul and the kids and my Loco was just as fervent. I would think about earthquakes several hundred times a day, wondering "what would I do if I was in an earthquake right now?? What about now? And now? I would question the safety of the roads and buildings I was in... Are you getting the picture yet? Yup - TOTALLY nuts!!

Anyway - so this film shoot is in California. And I was actually doing ok about it; looking forward to it even. I focus about how fun it will be and how great it will be having some time with Paul. We were there for 3 weeks 2 summers ago, and we weren't in any earthquakes or tsunami's (don't get me started about those...), so it will be fine (and this is what I keep telling myself) AND THEN THERE WAS AN EARTHQUAKE IN L.A. LAST NIGHT.

That may have sealed the deal guys! I don't know that I need to tell my acne story that bad!

Fun quiz - thanks Andrea!

2009-05-06T10:52:00.000-06:00

You are most like: You are Green
The feeling of spring follows you. Newness, surprise, beginnings and growth. Your fresh perspective gives others much to consider.
Take this quiz: Which Crayola Box of 8 Color Are You?
Visit Toys For Your Blog.com for more blog quizzes

You are most like:

You are Green

The feeling of spring follows you. Newness, surprise, beginnings and growth. Your fresh perspective gives others much to consider.

Take this quiz: Which Crayola Box of 8 Color Are You?

Visit Toys For Your Blog.com for more blog quizzes

I Heart ProActiv

2009-04-14T11:15:00.009-06:00

Funny things happen in my life and sometimes the weirdest things occur as a result. The best example of it is an impending commercial I am going to be on. Yes... I am going to be gracing the little screen with my presence and telling the story of my skin on a ProActiv commercial! It all started on a late night whim when I saw an infomercial for ProActiv and I was hooked (as I often am with infomercials - they are just so convincing!). When I finally got my order in the mail, I was so excited to start using it - I have had mediocre skin since my awkward teenage years and was so looking forward to promised perfection!!! I read the entire information brochure in detail and was anxious to get started. There was a part where it told you to take before and after pictures and write your story for some free product. Since I am always up for "free" I took the required photos and started using the product. Turned out I didn't need to use the "60 day money back guarantee" because I fell in love with it!! So I mailed in my pictures, waited for my free product and thought nothing more of it. Then I got a very random phone call from the people at ProActiv asking me to tell them more about my experience. As I was still babysitting, I was thrilled for an adult convo and diversion, even if it was talking about my acne! By the end of the conversation, Tamra said, "You have informercial written all over you and we would love to fly you to San Francisco to film you!"

Stunned silence....

"Huh?"

The commercial is set for July (my MIL Clare is going to watch the kids and can't do it until then) and Paul and I will fly down for a whole week of near childless bliss! (I think Ezra, aka "Saskatoon Fats" will be crashing I mean joining us.) Heaven thank ProActiv!!!!

Now if only I could lose 30 lbs of "having 4 babies chub"...

(Why this isn't going to happen... )

Going Public

2009-04-07T22:10:00.005-06:00

For a while I kept my blogging secret. Not even my mom knew about it, and my mom knows about pretty much everything. The Blog was called "Just for Laura" because she kept harassing me to start one. Not too sure why... but I am glad she did. I was extremely hesitant to start because I wanted it to be funny, well-written, darling, awesome pics of everyone and everything... basically perfect. And since I knew logically that was NEVER going to happen, I didn't even want to start. Enter Laura. She is very good at persuading and promised she would never tell anyone else about my secret little blog. (Yes, I see now how silly it was to think Blog on the INTERNET could be secret - haha.) And that it would only be her reading it so it wouldn't matter if it wasn't perfect. Made sense, right? Why not! True to her word, she didn't tell anyone. But as I left comments on other people's blogs that I read, it would take them (me unknowing) to my ever imperfect blog. (Stress level increasing, stress level increasing... Deep breath... deep breath) But I guess I kind of got over it (which I am certain Laura knew I would) and now am thrilled to have comments from friends about the silly things I think about. Thanks for reading, your comments and now I would be happy if you come back, as long as you don't expect it to be perfect.

Take that Crazy! I am so going to defeat you one day...!

Sleeping Angel

2009-04-07T10:23:00.004-06:00

I am a huge proponent of "letting kids cry-it-out" when it comes to teaching babies how to sleep. People know this about me and often will call for a pep-talk or how-to right before they attempt it with their own babies. I KNOW that it is for the best. The theory is that you are parenting and teaching them a lifelong skill. It takes discipline and commitment and denying yourself from running into the room and scooping your precious infant in your arms to make his sadness go away. You have to believe in what you are doing or you will absolutely fail and both you and babe will be MISERABLE!

That being said, I dread 6 months. And I dread it for the full 6 months. For the first half year of their lives, my kids have always slept with us; nursing at will at the all night diner. I am perpetually exhausted for this duration. But it doesn't usually bother me because I know that it is so short lived. Then at 6 months, I let my beautiful baby cry. Because if they get to the point where they can sit up on their own, it gets WAY worse.

Ezra has had some issues with asthma and RSV. I have put off letting him cry because I wasn't ready. Besides, he is such a good baby - I couldn't bear to have him sad. (Also the guilt of knowing full well that any bad sleep habits are exclusively my fault since I trained him that way since he was born.)

So I knew that time was fast approaching. I realized the other day that Ezra was already 7 months old. I was struggling getting him to sleep naps (at 20 lbs, he is WAY too big for the swing) and he no longer would nurse to sleep. He never went to bed at night before 10:30 and he was starting to strain those abs trying to sit up. I knew it was time and my heart sunk.

The first night I gave him an evening bath, and made sure to do a routine so he would learn to depend on cues that bedtime was coming. I sang to him and cuddled him and nursed him and loved him. Then I put his in his crib (yes the one he has hardly ever been in), turned out the light and walked out the door.

He cried for 5 minutes. And then REALLY revved it up. I was so sad and felt so awful. After 20 minutes he volcano puked all over his clean bod, jammies, sheets. So much for that! We quickly re-bathed him and I brought him back into bed with us. I felt awful, but I also knew that it would only get worse as he got older.

The next night I tried again. This time he cried for 7 minutes and was out cold. A couple hours later he whimpered for about 30 seconds, and then proceeded to sleep through the NIGHT! He woke up at 7:30 this morning cooing in his crib!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I could hardly believe it. The longest he had gone without nursing (day or night) was 3 hours...! Imagine my elation and how big the girls were (ok, don't imagine that...!). Even with that success, I still worried about nap time. I wanted him to be in the routine of night before I tried the day - but then how was I going to get him to sleep?!?! So, fretfully, I nursed him, sang to him and laid him down fully awake and left the room. A few minutes later after being distracted, I realized I hadn't heard a peep from him. I went to check on him and sure enough - sound asleep.

So it turns out Ezra is super star and I had nothing to worry about. Not that I would have done it any earlier though... l wouldn't change the first 7 months of snuggling for anything. But I am just so relieved and grateful that now that he is bigger and needs to learn how to sleep on his own (since I couldn't do it for him anymore) that it was such an easy transition. Yeah for letting them cry and bigger yeah that he didn't really have to!!!!!!

?????

2009-04-01T12:13:00.006-06:00

This is what Paul found when he got out of the shower this morning. After telling him for the last few days that I wasn't feeling well, and was super tired, and after his insisting that I take a pregnancy test... I finally got this out this morning. (BTW - 2 lines = POSITIVE.)

Paul called me in and said, "Have you seen this?? Me "Why?"

Paul - lifting the pregnancy test for me to see...

Me - "Oh My Gosh."

Paul - (Laughing, shaking his head) "Holy Crap, Is this for real? I can't believe it. What are we going to do? We are so done!"

Me - "There is no way... But how could it be wrong?"

Paul - "I have no idea what to say..."

Silence

Me - "Well - I can only think of one... April Fools!"

Hahaha. I wanted to let him think it all day, but he has a big exam on Friday that he really needs to be able to focus on. So ladies, get a pregnancy test from the dollar store while you are pregnant, take it, and keep it in the wrapper until a future date when you want to mess with your husband's head... Guaranteed good time!!

It was fun to see what he would say though. When my brother Stefan, found out his wife JoDee was pregnant with their 5th (the oldest, twins, were 7) he didn't speak to her for 3 months! Thankfully Paul was a little better at receiving unexpected news.

Oh the Heaven

2009-03-16T11:45:00.004-06:00

So I am in Heaven. I don't know if you have ever tried Skor Bites, but they are OH-SO-GOOD!!!! I had a slight addiction with them and may or may not have needed a 12 step program, but then I couldn't find them anymore. Anywhere. It was always on my grocery list and just moved on to the next list, week after week. I finally thought about contacting Hershey to find out why they were always sold out and it turned out they stopped making them. I felt so strongly about them that I decided to write them a letter imploring them to bless the world with delicious nuggets again. This was several months ago. I was so sad!!! The world no longer had the perfect treat! I truly mourned them. Then the other day, I walked into Walmart. And there they were, like a beacon, shrouded in the glow of luminescent light. I hurried over and proceeded to EMPTY THE BOX (maybe they only had one box they found in the back, underneath a mattress so I wasn't going to take any chances.) For the rest of my trip in the store, I walked around with the biggest, goofiest grin on my face. Honestly, anyone who looked at me cocked their head in wonder - probably as to what I was up to. It was all I could do to not tell everyone I saw "They are BACK!!". Thank you Hershey for making my world a happier, (albeit fatter) place.

*NB - The Skor Bites that I came with are now gone... and I went back to buy some more, but alas - they are SOLD OUT AGAIN! When you see them, buy many, many bags - you will be so glad you started your "year supply" with these amazing treats, although if you are anything like me, they won't last until next week...

Fickle, fickle girl

2009-03-12T20:29:00.003-06:00

So if you haven't seen Charlotte lately, (or at all) she is a mini, mini me. Seriously. She looks exactly like me and fortunately/unfortunately we also have the same personalities. Add to it the fact that she is 2 and you can guess how well we get along most days. Lately, I have decided that I am not going to butt heads with her any more - but look for ways I can say yes (without losing the top-dog status - but make her think she has a say)! So this has been going on for a few weeks and I am thrilled to report that I no longer want to sell her! Instead of screaming at me today, she told me (randomly) "I love you Mommy. You are my best friend!" (Hallelujah choruses in the background...) I am shocked and warmed and loved and over the moon! I have figured her out!!!! Tonight, as she was getting ready for bed I wanted to "review" so as to not forget my new status. I was giving her a cuddle and loves and said, "who is your best friend, Charlotte?" She chirped right up and said "Kiah - not you Mommy, and she is not your friend. She's mine."

Sigh.

$100 bet

2009-03-07T18:13:00.000-06:00

So my family is doing this $100 no sugar thing. You can't eat any sugar or you have to put in $100 to give to the winner. Sadly, after 5 days I was out because I TOTALLY forgot and licked a lollipop!! A LOLLIPOP!!! So not worth it. GRRRR! What can you do? I have post-baby brain and CANNOT be trusted to not forget something. (OK - that may have been a double negative, but who's counting...) Anyway the bet has now evolved into reading scriptures daily, working out for 30 min 4x a week and saying your prayers. So I am thinking Paul and I are going to do it - and make it separate. $100 for no sugar, $100 for the other stuff. While I am at it though - I am thinking that I want to make $100 for a lot of different things. Like making dinner every night for a month. It would be WAY cheaper to give me a $100 reward at the end of the month than to order pizza once a week and better for us...! And laundry. I think that should start costing $10 a load... to stay on top of it. And while I had the dayhome, I paid a cleaning lady to come in 2 x a month - does that mean now that I am doing her job, I can get paid for it too?? Man at the end of this I am going to be making BUCKS DELUXE!

Genes and Weird Science

2009-03-07T17:13:00.001-06:00

Out of the kids in my family, as far as looks go, we mostly all got my dad's genes. Four out of the 5 kids have blue eyes (dad), again 4 out of 5 got thin, mostly useless hair (thanks again, dad); we all have a "Neilson" look that makes it fairly easy to tell we are siblings. Nothing obvious from my mom's side, except we all have her hair line. At the top sides of our foreheads, it gets really, really thin. Like baby hair that never grew out. While I was looking in the mirror today, I noticed I am starting to get a few grays in that area. But unfortunately the option of plucking is not there since it would look like male pattern baldness instead of just gray. Bald or gray? Can't say I like my options! Couldn't I get her thick, gorgeous hair instead of the hairline?? Wouldn't it be awesome if you could just order your genes old school style like Weird Science and just scan all the elements you want into the computer! Sign me up!

Sickness

2009-01-29T23:28:00.000-06:00

So little Ezra has been sick. Sicker than he has ever been (ok, it is the first time he has been sick) and he acts like he has discovered that it isn't just a land of boobs and tickles, but that it is a cruel, cruel world. Poor babe!!! As I have been nursing him through it, I have been grateful for the antibodies he is getting through me and hoping beyond hope that it would pass quickly. The problem with antibodies, I am discovering, is that you have to have them to pass them on. Enter sick Mommy. Because No One should have to be sick alone. And Charlotte, who loves to kiss and sing about an inch from his face now coughs like a seal. Without covering her mouth. It is only a matter of time now for the rest of them. So it turns out I am on the same page as Ezra - it is a cruel, cruel world, but I know it will be back to happy times soon enough. Until then, I am going to bed!

The Rink that Saved Winter

2009-01-21T08:34:00.003-06:00

Paul put a rink in the back yard. BTW - our house is still a DISASTER from the flood, and while I wanted him to do the rink, what I wanted more was the house clean. But in an effort to be a non-bossy wife (something I am working on), he did what he wanted and I kept my mouth clamped. While it was flooding, I was secretly FREAKING out! While you are recovering from a flood, do you flood another area ??? The water was running for FOUR hours! That is a lot of water pooling perilously close to our house. Then I worried about the ice being bumpy - it was snowing while he was doing it. If we were going to do this, I wanted to make sure the kids could at least use it... Every 10 minutes, I would ask how it was going (so cas), insisting "we" go look at it - feigning super excitement, masking my fear like a pro. It was ridiculously cold, and so it only took a day for it to freeze completely. And NOW, we have the BEST RINK EVER in our back yard!! I love Paul for making it a priority and doing it regardless of the house. It gets the kids outside while I CLEAN (even better), and they are loving learning how to skate. It is so tempting for me to wait to have fun until I do something (usually involving cleaning). But that showed me the error of my ways. I even went out there with my skates for some winter fun and it turns out that I love winter in Saskatoon. YEAH FOR PAUL!!